Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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