So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
