thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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