who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
