So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
