dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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