it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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