I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize