Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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