you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
