East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
