i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
