Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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