I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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