my mouth tastes like poor choices
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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