Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
