apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
