there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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