How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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