That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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