dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
