Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
