I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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