Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
