I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
