I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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