Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
