I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
only you would photoshop your dick
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
