I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
