You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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