16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
