I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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