"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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