Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
