i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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