On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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