She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
