Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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