im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
