Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
