Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
