what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
