That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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