My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
