Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
