how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
