y did u give ur computer a hand job?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
