Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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