She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
