Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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