i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
