I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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