There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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