don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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