New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
