I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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