I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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