woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he fucked my hip out of place.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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