I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
