I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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