please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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