Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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