So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
