If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
