I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
