"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
