I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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