I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh god it's open bar.
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