i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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